i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
