man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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