I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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