I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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