I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
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