How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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