Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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