It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
