I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
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He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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