New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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