You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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