When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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