She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
