I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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