So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
