just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
