I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
