guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
