The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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