Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
