just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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