I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
