i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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