Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
