my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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