Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
