He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize