you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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