piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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