GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
