And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
