I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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