I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Boobs speak an international language.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
