i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Maybe he injected his testicle?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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