she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
