I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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