How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
