You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
