Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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