is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
