1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
