I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
