wake up i wanna do it froggy style
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
