The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
