I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
