Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
