'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
