If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
