i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
