physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Randomize
