And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
