Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
