No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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