I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
