you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Boobs speak an international language.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
