I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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