You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just gift wrapped bread.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Randomize
