Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
