Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
