I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
