I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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