Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
