So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
