Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
