...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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