I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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