he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
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