whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
