Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
