I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
