what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
