and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
